The JCB

Thirty odd years ago I went half shares in a second hand JCB 2D digger. For the thousand pound each it cost us that machine has done sterling work and I still have what remains of it. However when we bought it I had never operated a back hoe. A few weeks later, one Friday night, I received a phone call asking if I owned a digger. To cut a story short he wanted me to dig a grave. And I do mean one in an actual Churchyard. I said I had never operated it, did not know how, there was no way.

I phoned my partner and asked if he wanted the job because he was an operator, but he declined. I wonder why? 

On Sunday evening the bloke was back on the phone begging me to come as he could find no body else and it could not be done by hand and it had to be down by midday. I said even if I drove it over there was no guarantee that anything could be achieved. He pleaded and for brevities sake I will admit that I capitulated. You do not want to see people stuck and then there were the bereaved to consider and I did know them slightly.

When I finished the milking next morning I drove out our road which brings you right to the Lonan Church. One of the reasons I should have refused to go was that digger was not licensed and insured for the road nor was it insured for digging.

It was a bitterly cold winter’s morning and drizzling steadily as I backed into position and viewed the project. The sod had been removed to a depth of five inches revealing a smooth dark gray surface. This surface was pock marked with holes where a pick had been driven in, but that was all. It was some kind of clay or silt and very tightly bound together, stubbornly resistant to manual assault.

I asked doubtfully if the digger would deal with it and was assured that it certainly would. Well there was nothing for it but try. The instructions of how to operate the back hoe are displayed inside the cab. Two joy sticks operating diagonally control everything. For example if you move a stick to the North West you get one reaction, if you move it to the South East you produce the opposite movement. 

I made every move with extreme care. There were three headstones well within the arc of that bucket. I can still clearly remember the first bucketful, it curled out like a scoop of almost black ice cream, but out it came.

It took a long time but eventually we were down about six feet. One of the men climbed in and squared things up and I scooped out the last bits. If I do say so myself it was a reasonably tidy job.

I had just arrived back on the yard when the bell began to toll. Lonan Church used to toll the bell for a funeral in those days. That is cutting it a bit too fine.

I could still take you and show you that grave.

For which I received the princely sum of eleven pounds. And that children is how Daddy learned to operate a JCB digger.

Just a brief foot note here, and I have discussed this phenomenon with others. I have not operated a digger for many years and could not tell you which lever performed which operation. However any operator only has to put his hands on those joy sticks and, of their own volition, the hands seem to know exactly what to do.

David Kelly